In Spite of It All

Last week, somebody explained my website to others by saying “It’s funny. It’s cute. It’s about real life.” I sort of half-nodded while thinking to myself “Really? Real life?”

If I’m supposed to write about my real life, I forgot some stuff. A lot of stuff. Just in the past week, I neglected almost everything real. I should have told you about getting philosophical in the Hooters parking lot, I should have told you what it felt like to finally pack up all of the personal belongings in my office, I should have told you about that phone call from California that changed everything, I should have told you about finding out that I’m just the Fat Friend in the story of somebody’s life, and I definitely should have told you about something I said that made a grown man scream like a 3 year-old being force-fed creamed spinach. I should have told you about the break-in, replacing windows, feeling scared and exhausted. If we’re being real, I should have told you that.

I like being less than real here sometimes. Less than real feels a lot better than real, at least today. Cute and funny isn’t real today.

A friend and I keep joking with each other that we are on a seesaw, because she is having some less than stellar real life moments these days as well. Somehow, her high points always come at the same time as my low points and vice-versa. I’m going to share with you a quote from one of her recent emails:

“I've been striving toward practicing Mudita, because it is so in spite of the world at large. I experience tremendous elation by celebrating the joys of my friends and family. It's ok that I don't have the same for myself at that moment, if it is something I want. I know eventually it will come, and if not - then that's ok, too.”

I love that quote, and I keep returning to it again and again during my bad days, because it reminds me that somewhere out there, she’s having a good day. And if I keep celebrating her good days, and she keeps celebrating my good days, then we’ll both somehow muddle through all of this messy and painful real life.