I am going to apologize for the language in this post ahead of time. I wish I could tell this story without so many of the curses, but I just can't.
So a couple of weekends ago, I got a message on the online dating site OKcupid at around noon, from a guy who was offended that I had not responded to his message from 7 o'clock that morning. He told me that I'm 29 years-old, OKcupid is a place to talk to people, not a place to ignore people, and that I should start acting my age. He wrapped it up by calling me an "ugly muff-diving cunt" and telling me to change my profile from "bisexual" to "gay" because obviously I don't really want a man, seeing as how I didn't respond to him, a man.
Obviously, this was not something I took badly - I laughed, blocked him, and "ugly muff-diving cunt" became a bit of a term of endearment amongst my friends to whom I told this story. Because nothing really better exemplifies the absurdities that one can run across in dating, on the internet or not, than somebody flipping their lid over a four hour delay in responding to a message.
On Monday of this week, I stumbled across a car that fit almost every single requirement I had of a car, which is pretty hard to do. I made an appointment for a test drive on Tuesday night, and minutes before I walked out the door on Tuesday, I got an OKcupid instant message from a different guy. I told him that I didn't have time to chat as I was going to test drive my potential new car. He responded with "Oh! I'm a car salesman! Let me sell you a car."
I groaned in my head, but said, okay, see what you can come up with for X, Y, and Z models (all of the same make, the ONLY brand I was shopping for), with L, M, N, O, and P features. He responded back with, "You don't really want any of those. You need a Jetta." I responded with "Dude, if I just walked onto your lot and told you what I wanted, and you said ANYTHING pertaining to ANY other kind of car, I would turn around and walk away." He again continued to extol the virtues of the Jetta, and I finally said "Have you ever lost a car sale and a date at the same time? Big day for you."
Some of you may be familiar with my history of naming my vehicles, my trucks Butch and Gina (long i), my love of lady parts euphemisms, and my friends and coworkers who love to comment on the stereotypes associated with a girl who drives a full size truck. Well, I tell all of these fun stories as a means of introducing you to the new love of my life, which I purchased without the assistance or opinions of boys, and which is most definitely not a Jetta.
I present Muffy:
Muffy, the only car on the planet more stereotyped than my trucks.
Muffy is a Subaru Forester 2.5XT, so that cute little hood scoop there is signifying the presence of a turbocharger. Muffy will take me from 0 to 60 in 5.3 and will eat up a quarter mile in 13.8 seconds. At high speeds and sharp accelerations, her engine sings a sweet little melody to me, and the AWD cornering is a new and truly beautiful experience. There are other wonderful traits in her corner, her leather interior, premium sound, massive amounts of space, and ridiculously low odometer. But every time I start thinking about those things, the light turns green, and I remember what the XT stands for all over again.
And no, she didn't come with a pride sticker. I'll have to buy that myself.
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A note on the title of this post. Pleiades is the constellation in the Subaru logo. Pleiades were the "Seven Sisters" of Greek mythology. From Wikipedia: "After Atlas was forced to carry the heavens on his shoulders, Orion began to pursue all of the Pleiades, and Zeus transformed them first into doves, and then into stars to comfort their father. The constellation of Orion is said to still pursue them across the night sky."
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